Offense, Defense and The Almighty Playbook

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I have reached that point in my life where I am completely comfortable with asking myself,”What in the world are you doing?”  In my mid thirties, I never thought I would be asking myself that question…that was more of a fiftieth or sixtieth birthday question.  Throughout my primary school years I wanted to know everything, during my teenager years I assumed I knew everything, while in my twenties I did know everything and now I am realizing that I had no clue!  Yes, my life has played like scenes from a Lifetime original flick but have I taken good enough notes?  Yes, I have learned lessons the hard way and even made the same mistakes twice but have I really learned what God intended for me to learn?

Watching my children grow up reminds me of so many episodes of my childhood, some of which I share with my children with the hopes that they will learn from my mistakes.  But for the most part, I share my experiences with them because I want them to understand that I do know what they are going through.  Let’s take “trying to be right” out of the equation becasue that is not what I want to be.  “Being right” can also mean that there is pain involved or disappointment and those are things that I do not want for my children- what parent would?!  I am not so niave to think that my children are immune to the ways of the world and it’s sting but I would like to think that I can lessen that sting some how.

Growing up primarily in the state of Texas isn’t so welcoming to an open-minded, liberal, loud mouth such as myself but it did make for an interesting upbringing.  The state and it’s people are conservative, closed-minded, religious, old-fashioned, kind, open hearted, loyal and grounded.  I was one (ok, ok I still am in some ways) to push the envelope and test the limits, not to say that I wasn’t pushed back and taken down a few notches from time to time but I never gave up.  When I set my sights on something I wanted I fought to get it, one way or another.  I remember, while in the fourth grade, a classmate called me fat and that one comment set in motion my “body image state of mind”.  Before this comment sprung from this kid’s mouth thoughts of myself were “which banana clip to wear”, “which pair of jellies were more comfortable?” and “how many cuts will my lip obtain before getting my braces off?”  I never worried about my weight before and I never cared how people viewed me physically.  I wasn’t one to hesitate with a come back when someone was offensive but this comment left me speechless.  I remember running to the teacher in tears and being told not to tattle tale.  This incident stuck with me, obviously, but did not impact me in a negative way.  I used this to my advantage by replaying that “nany nany boo boo” voice and those words over and over again until it motivated me to be active and eat healthy.  I vowed to work as hard as I could to maintain a healthy self-image and, to this day, I have kept that promise to myself.  Now, getting my teen daughter to do the same, that’s another thing.  I can tell her how to dress, eat, exercise, bathe, and breathe but it won’t do a bit of good if she doesn’t want to.  So, instead, I tell my kids to flip these types of situations and work from the other end…meaning, if someone is being nasty towards them, they should “kill ‘em with kindness”.  Realizing that not every person ALWAYS has something nice to say and that they need prayer can help keep you, your kids or anybody from focusing on the negative of their comment.  Jesus tells us to treat others as we would want to be treated and that is sooooooooo helpful when all you want to do is swing back with witty banter.  With my youngest I must remember to spell out what ever lesson I am trying to instill as he doesn’t quite receive things the same way as my eldest.  For the most part, I like to think that my children “get it” and understand that it’s not right or acceptable to be bully or pick on others but do they understand that it’s not right for others to do it to them?  Keeping tabs on my kids, staying in their business and offering my insight and support eases the pain (on my part) for now.  I would LOVE to dive right in and act like the Berlin wall against any wrong doing that gets hurled their way but I know that I must wait patiently on the sidelines.  I realize that I have left God waiting in wings and that is not ok.  It’s my duty as a wife and mother to make sure that God is behind MY steering wheel daily, speaking through me and guiding my family.  I now have a new promise for myself: making sure that God is known by my children and and they allow Him to steer.

Prayer vs. Pills

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In this time of progressive medicine and experimental therapy, prayer often takes a backseat to healing.  Issues of the heart, mind and body (whether you are speaking in spiritual terms or physical terms) can be “fixed” with BOTH science and faith.  I have had the privilege of going through difficult periods through out my life and without those my faith and knowledge would not be where they are today.  When it comes to my children and their salvation and well being I can become protective and, yes, defensive at times.  There are so many splinters that can come from a discussion such as this so I will keep within one direction…medication versus trust in God alone.

I have prayed many a prayer since accepting Christ into my life at the age of thirteen but I seldom call on Him when it comes to physical healing.  I’m a very literal and scientific thinker so to completely humble myself, regarding faith, is something that I need more practice with.  My true belief is that God created us to glorify Him and help each other; in order to do so He blessed us with the minds and know-how to produce technology and substances to help us further give Him praise.  This does not mean that we should take what we can and run, rather we should learn, be thankful, grow, share and never turn from God.  In one instant everything that we hold dear and view as important can be taken away, but God’s love and guidance (what we SHOULD hold dear and view as important) will never be taken from us.

My children are extremely different when it comes to age, attitude, approach, triumphs, obstacles and belief.  My daughter is a “typical” teen: pushing the limits set for her, lying, hiding, self conscience, hasty, silly, nieve- but assumes that she knows it all, smart, curious and wants to believe in everything.  She has a good heart underneath the wall that she has constructed. She has developed an entitled self image that has been damaging to her in the past but will hopefully turn into a positive here shortly.  If she felt “entitled” to God’s love more than she felt “entitled” to worldly things then I would have nothing to worry about!  She would be the most Christ-centered teen on the block; but that is not the case.  I take responsibility for her entitled outlook and plan to work harder and smarter to show her the correct view to have on life. She has battled with bouts of depression and prayer along with counseling have been my “medicine cabinet” for her.  Suggestions of anti-depressants and tough love have been offered to me and were never given a second thought but recently I have implemented both in hopes of setting my first born on track.  I’m a mom that performs random room checks, is “all up in their business” and really listens to my gut (God’s voice) so when it came time to revisit the pill (anti-depressant) option, I weighed it heavily with God’s help.

My son is a boy of wonder: of elementary age and full of energy- never ending energy, he is smart, funny, loving, too curious for his own good, a selective listener with an amazing memory, a cranky non-morning person that proceeds with caution in every situation. My boy has struggled with various learning disabilities but has always been willing to try a little harder.  After years of therapy without medication, testing to no end, teaching accommodations, reports and suggestions I have opted to try the medicine route.  Reaching this conclusion was difficult and took some time as I awaited an approval from the Lord.  Awaiting a “sign” from God can try your patience and frustrate you beyond belief when you are watching your child suffer educationally and socially.  I do not agree with medicating children to calm them down but I do believe in medicating them to help them better focus.  Getting a glimpse (byway of science and technology) into how my son’s brain works was enough to spin my thoughts out of control.  If my brain functioned the same way his does I would be exhausted on a minute by minute basis!

As a mother, I want to make sure my children have the best opportunities so choosing to medicate with extreme supervision was no easy option.  The first night of dosing was a long one…I spent most of the night running back and forth between their beds to check their breathing all while praying frantically to God for peace, patience and trust.  I reviewed CPR steps in my mind while keeping my cell phone at my hip- just in case anything went wrong.  So, are pills better than prayer or vise versa?  My thought is that if you keep prayer as the base to any decision then you can’t go wrong.  God will never lead us into something destructive- only we can do that.  If you are a parent, have you struggled with complete faith in any area concerning your children?

 

A Hidden Generation Is Noticed

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I have never been one to stand in front but I have been known to voice my opinions. I always dreamed of growing up in a fast paced city environment, focused only on myself. Needless to say, other plans were hatched that I would not trade for anything. I have had my share of bad moments (some self induced while others were gifted to me) but having a child with extensive learning disabilities is not one of them. This conclusion was reached only after years of digging, researching, praying (yes, I am a Christian), and patience. I grew up in a time of sibling comparison and when the common solution was “growing out of it”. To apply these ways of thought now would be ineffectual. Learning disabilities, like physical disabilities, come in many forms; by writing this blog, I hope to reach like-minded or lost parents experiencing the same situations, scenarios, troubles, and triumphs. Community is one variable that will always have a positive and negative affect on its inhabitants but it’s how those inhabitants choose to act, respond, and help that make up the outcome. With our vast pathways of communication we have expanded our communities and enabled ourselves to grow beyond measures! It would be awesome to ensure that the growth continues for our children!!